Ahoy-hoy. Hire me to write stuff! My body is hard-wired to explode if I ever go more than a few days without getting commissioned to write something.
So yeah, if you're ever interested in commissioning me to write something for you (whether it be SFW or otherwise), just DM me on Twitter or send me an email - otherwise there's a 99.9% chance I won't see your message.
Also, if you're a super rich philanthropist who's already donated billions to far worthier causes, you're always welcome to help me out too... but only if you want to. I'm trying to amass enough money to eventually bathe in it like Scrooge McDuck, but my dream of living like an anthropomorphic cartoon mallard probably can't be realized without your help. So... food for thought.